my sisters under your porch take her home
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Randomize
