waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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