As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
