Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
