Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
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