great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
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Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
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Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!