The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"