I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.