Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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