Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Randomize