she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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