you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
