Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
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