If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
zippers are such a cool invention
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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