i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
We are two peas in an std pod
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
