do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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