I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
