I swear god or herbie drove my car home
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
