Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
