I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
