I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
