I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
