I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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