Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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