walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
