So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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