I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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