just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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