Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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