we have pet lesbian snakes
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I deserve this hangover.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
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