I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
