This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
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