I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
