so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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