I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Randomize
