I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
