So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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