Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize
