Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
she peed on how many people?
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
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