remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
