Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
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would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
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Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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