i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
