I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
