I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Randomize
