Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Randomize
