you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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