Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Randomize
