dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Randomize
