You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
