I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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