Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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