Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Randomize
