cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize
