I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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