blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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