I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
