i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
