i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
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That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
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Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize