I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Randomize
