ugly people sure do ruin things
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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