What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
