You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
