He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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