If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
