it's too hot outside to masturbate.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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