he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
