fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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